Dealing with the Soul Reapers
by Urethane
Summary: Naruto Uzumaki, your everyday ramen powered immortal travelling shinobi with powers to destroy the world has accidentally landed in Sereitei and now has to deal with it's Soul Reapers and enemies, making new friends and foes along his journey. And maybe stop another upcoming war with the traitors of Sereitai and the army of Aizen. !StrongNaruto !MokutonMangekyoRinneganNaruto
1. Chapter 1 : New Friends, New Places

_Weightlessness._

Free falling.

Blue skies.

White clouds.

White city.

_Ground._

Oh shit.

Pain.

A lot of pain.

That was pretty much what went through Naruto Uzumaki's head, your everyday ramen powered immortal travelling shinobi with the power to destroy the world – Twice – before he landed in Sereitei. Completely destroying the building he landed on. Luckily for him, he instinctually hardened his skin with chakra right before he slammed into the building.

The last thing he remembered doing was fighting large black monsters with white masks before he chased them into a portal, not long after a group of humans with pieces of broken bones attached to them introduced themselves as the 'Espada' before attacking him yet again. He managed to speak to a living test tube with two different voices and a pink haired Orochimaru yammering on about perfection… until he completely destroyed them with his weapons, they didn't take long to break apart and die.

_Another two more of the 'Espada' came and attempted to assist them, one of them seemingly from the Nara clan – lazy bastards – and tall, blood thirsty son of a bitch with a hat that looked like a spoon who kept re-growing his arms – what a cheap asshole – until they managed to open a 'Garganta' and force him into it using laser beams. The multi-armed motherfucker had the gall to wave at him as he fell._

What a cocky son of a bitch.

And then he landed right into the Head of Onmitsukido (Secret Tactics) office, smashing the table of Soi Fong, the 2nd Division captain of the Gotei 13.

_Whoops._

His body lay in a heap of boards, paper and splinters; Spiky, long blonde hair and long jaw length bangs that framed both sides of his face, trails of blood going down from his nose and mouth. A loose head band tied around his neck, in the middle, a piece of steel with the kanji of 'Shinobi' inscribed onto it. He wore an orange and black jacket and orange pants while one of his legs was bandaged.

_Going to need more bandages now. _

On top of his jacket, he wore a long white, short sleeved haori that had flame like motifs on the edges. His arms were covered in weird tattoos most of them were circles with a kanjis in the middle and random squiggly lines surrounding it. They were, in fact, storage seals for keeping his weapons and backpack away for easy access and he wouldn't lose anything if he sealed it inside himself.

All in all, the cold and cruel captain found him incredibly attractive if not for the vast quantities of orange on his body. Too bad it was business before pleasure, like always. The beautiful captain had never gone on a date before, let alone _sex_ –shudder– mostly because most men found her cold demeanour incredibly intimidating and feared her position in Onmitsukido as the Punishment Force. She sighed as her operatives took away the unconscious blonde to the 4th Division to get treated before getting placed in the prison for investigating.

_She almost felt slightly jealous that Unohana-taicho would be spending time with the handsome blonde. Unbeknownst to her, the feeling had started a spark, which led to an unknown flame in the back of her mind._

Great, now who's going to clean this up?

She threw her hands in the air in a rare show of exasperation before picking up the pieces of paper on the floor, grumbling as she did it.

_Stupid, sexy blonde guy._

* * *

><p>Unohana Retsu, Captain of the 4th Division opened the sleeping blonde's eyes and watched as the pupils started to dilate, she was incredibly surprised to see such peculiar eyes. He seemed human, he had the parts of a man – she checked, check <em>very<em> thoroughly (hehehehe) – and she narrowed it down to an anomaly. Purple sclera with five black rings surrounding the pupil, the ring surrounding the pupil was a darker shade of purple. She concluded that the eye was completely normal, if not unique looking and was not a threat.

I mean, what could a pair of eyes possibly do?

Unknown to Unohana, the eye was named the Rinnegan. It grants the wielder unimaginable power at their fingertips. Through the Rinnegan, they are categorized into different abilities known as the Six Paths. Each filled with malicious and devastating attacks and abilities that could easily turn the tides of battle. Needless to say, living for centuries gave him enough time to refine his abilities with the Rinnegan. Even his taijutsu, speed and agility were thoroughly improved from training in his free time.

And he had a lot of free time. _A lot of it._

Wow, my head hurts. Actually, my whole body hurts.

He groaned before sitting up in the bed. _Wait, bed? I'm pretty sure I fell into someone's office before passing out._ He slowly twisted his neck, popping it loudly. He glanced around the room and took in the surrounding, bottles, lots of beds, lady watching, cre- wait, lady watching me?

Unohana observed the man as he groaned, sat up, cracked his neck and looked around the room before his eyes met hers and continued scanning the room for a split second until he did a double take before his eyes widened in surprise.

"Naruto Uzumaki." He waved his hand slowly. She nodded.

"Unohana Retsu."

"Are you going to kill me?" He drawled out in a bored tone. She simply smiled and shook her head negatively.

"No, I am going to, however, have to place you in the prison before your interrogation with Soi Fong-taicho since you did choose her building as your 'landing strip'." He chuckled at the joke.

"Soi Fong? You mean the pretty lady with the cute hair that was standing above me? Wait, can't we talk about this Retsu-san? You don't seem like the kind of lady who would fault me for fighting people with laser beams right?" Her eyebrows rose slightly when he said 'Retsu-san' and 'laser beams'. How dare he, she liked being called 'Retsu-_chan_'. It makes her feel young.

"Laser beams? What are you talking about? Aren't you a human? I'm surprised that you managed to withstand so much damage without breaking _all _your bones."

"I'm not exactly human, per say, but I digress…"

He soon went into a detailed story of how he managed to fend off the creatures – which he was informed was called a hollow – and chased them into a portal, he then picked a fight with some of the 'Espada' and told her the gory details of when he snapped the pink haired Orochimaru's neck with his Gunbai, broke the living test tube's glass head with a large Rasengan and cut off the spoon headed bastard's arms while the Shikamaru reincarnation stood at the back yawning and firing laser beams.

"So… I don't suppose you can let me go?" Her face changed to a thoughtful look.

She shrugged.

"Chat and have some tea with me first." His response was a mega-watt grin.

* * *

><p>He sat on the edge of the window as the alarms started blaring, up above a large ball smashed into the spiritual shield protecting Sereitei, completely cleaving through it like wet tissue paper and splitting into four smaller balls and separating.<p>

After their long talk, Unohana was just going to let him go since there were reports of Ryoka invading Sereitei; she suggested he hitch a ride with them to the human world.

He called out the beautiful lady with the frontal braided hair who was keeping the tea cups. His once purple eyes now blue, cutting off the minute chakra flow to his eyes made the colour change. Rather convenient to get the one up on any unsuspecting opponent.

"Thanks for the tea and the talk Retsu-chan! I'm going to go see what the fuss is about, I'll send any injured back here if that's fine with you. I'll visit again if I have the time!"

"Thank you, Naruto-kun. Take care!"

He grinned and saluted her before he leaned backwards out of the window, falling out of the tower and into the streets.

Unohana simply smiled softly while shaking her head.

_That boy is quite the hero from where he's from. I wonder how Soi Fong feels about being called 'incredibly beautiful lady with the cute hair' by such a handsome young man.  
><em>

* * *

><p>Perhaps it was a good idea at the time, however, in a matter of mere minutes, Uryuu realised that doing this was basically signing his death warrant. He agreed to invade a realm full of Soul Reapers.<p>

To save another Soul Reaper.

Call it a momentary poor lapse of judgement.

Then again, Rukia is pretty cute.

"Perhaps you ought to pay attention, specimen." The clown scientist called out, attempting to slash his new Quincy shirt. Luckily, he brought spares because he totally knew this was coming.

_I wonder how the rest are doing _He thought quietly.

They weren't fairing much better but he didn't know that.

"Hey, which one of you is the bad guy?" A new voice called out. Both Uryuu and the mad scientist, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, turned and faced the figure of Naruto. Uryuu immediately pointed a finger at Mayuri while Naruto shrugged; he lifted his palm and made a relatively small Rasengan, leaving both the scientist and the Quincy confused.

"Interesting, that ball you made in your palm isn't made of Reiryoku. I would like to examine you, perhaps you-" He stopped talking when the Rasengan was directed into his stomach, smashing him into the nearby wall. Naruto turned to the Quincy and introduced himself.

"Uryuu Ishida, thanks for the help Naruto." Naruto waved off the thanks before pointing to the injured girl lying on the ground.

"Is she dead?" Uryuu shook his head, "Alright then, I'll bring her to the medics while I follow you."

"How are you going to do tha-" He blinked when two more Naruto's appeared from thin air. He directed the two to bring the unconscious bodies to Retsu-chan before turning back to Uryuu.

"Well, go on," He gestured "lead the way."

* * *

><p>Ichigo Kurosaki was <em>not<em> having a good time,

Going to a carnival? _That_ was fun.

Fighting a blood thirsty, juggernaut captain that shrugs off slashes from his incredibly large Zanpakuto? Not so much.

_Why won't this guy just die?!_

The blood thirsty, juggernaut captain on the other hand, thought otherwise.

_Why is his Zanpakuto so large? Is he overcompensating for something?_

Metal clashed against each other, punches and kicks were thrown and heads collided. The juggernaut Captain of the 11th Division, Zeraki Kenpachi, still didn't go down to the smaller sized ginger. Yoruichi watched from a pillar as the two Shinigami's fought against each other, she was very impressed with how long Ichigo stood against Kenpachi even though he wasn't at full strength. Ichigo still managed to last longer than any other normal Shinigami.

"Well hello there, little kitty." Yoruichi turned and faced the sun kissed blonde, his large azure eyes met her golden cat eyes.

"Hello to you too," Her manly voice replied, to which his eyes widened, she assumed due to shock of a talking kitten. She turned her head to Uryuu, "who is this, Uryuu?" He gestured to the blonde and introduced him.

"Yoruichi, this is Naruto Uzumaki, he saved me from Kurotsuchi." Uryuu was still thankful that he managed to bail him out of that situation. He didn't want to end up as one of his ancestors who were dissected by the scientist for 'research' purposes.

"Wait, aren't you a girl?" Naruto checked Yoruichi's behind. "You are a girl! Why do you sound like a man, are you smoking? That isn't good for you, kitty."

"You aren't surprised that I can talk?" Yoruichi asked. He shook his head, no.

"I've seen tons of talking animals. Toads, slugs, snakes, dogs, etc. This isn't a big deal." Naruto waved dismissively. He turned towards the ginger and the giant and watched as they ran towards each other, slashing forwards in a last resort. Kenpachi fell face first into the ground while Ichigo lay on his back.

"Alright, I'll send Goliath to Retsu-chan and I'll bring David with us." He leaped off the building and summoned clones to bring the large unconscious Soul Reaper to the lovely medic Captain of the 4th Division. They quickly turned and left with the sleeping strawberry while a certain pink-haired vice-captain followed them.

* * *

><p>"So, basically, you guys are trying to save your friend from being wrongly executed by entering a city full of Soul Reapers and breaking her out of prison even at the cost of your lives?" The four of them was facing their new companion, Naruto, while they sat behind a large barrack made for the 10th Division. The cover of night provided a perfect shroud to hide from the Shinigami's looking for them.<p>

"Pretty much, yeah." The now conscious Ichigo gave him a grim nod. He wouldn't force Naruto to help him; he already saved Uryuu and was grateful to him for doing that, even if he wouldn't show it.

"Alright, I'm in." Naruto said with a cheerful smile.

"WHAT?" Everyone turned and shouted at him, even the newly rescued Orihime was confused. Why would a stranger come and help them save their friend, another stranger to Naruto?

"Well, you guys need help right?" They nodded, "And I like helping people. So I'll help you. Simple as that."

"No offence, but I don't think you'll be able to do much with your bare hands, let alone a blade." Ichigo disagreed, he managed to take down Kurotsuchi by surprise and Naruto didn't have a blade to fight against Shinigami with Zanpakuto.

Shrugging, he placed his hand on his forearm storage seal tattoo. He casually said "Fuin".

A large bandaged blade popped out from thin air, into his open hand. It was twice the size of Naruto and had a long yellow hilt; at the end was a small white skull. It reminded everyone of…

"A bandaged corndog?" Naruto face faulted. Getting up, he smirked at Ichigo.

"This, my dear _Strawberry-chan_," Ichigo's lower eyelid started twitching from the sobriquet, "Is the legendary blade that was previously wielded by Kisame Hoshigaki of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, _Samehada (Shark Skin)_."

"Why is it bandaged though?" Yoruichi asked, she didn't understand the point of wrapping it in bandages since you were going to have to use it to cut some one. "Wouldn't that hinder you in battle since you need to remove it?"

"Don't worry about that, it removes itself." He waved dismissively before turning back to Ichigo, "So Strawberry-chan, want to have a quick spar? I'll patch you up afterwards." Ichigo bristled at the name again, narrowing his eyes at Naruto from the disrespect.

"Fine. But if I win, you have to call me by my actual name, and if you win, I'll let you keep calling me that." He smirked confidently at Naruto and removed his Zanpakuto from his back and pointing the sharp tip at Naruto. Using his free hand, he gestured Naruto to 'come hither'.

"Bring it on, Fishcake."

Naruto slung the blade onto his shoulder before charging the ginger Shinigami. Ichigo swung the sword horizontally, attempting to slash his abdomen. The blonde fishcake saw this coming and jumped up over his blade before stepping on it as it passed by underneath him, pushing Ichigo's blade downwards. Naruto leaped over him after stepping on his Zanpakuto and swung Samehada in-between his legs, causing him to cry out in surprise as the blade smashed him in the back and forced him to stumble.

Naruto landed and gave him a cocky grin and Ichigo snarled in frustration while slashing downwards. Naruto casually brought Samehada to block his strike and kicked him in the gut, making him gasp for air as he bent over. He swiped Samehada across the ginger's back, ripping off a large chunk of his shirt and causing him to bleed. _Even through the bandages, the blade managed to do that?! _Yoruichi felt a sense of fear for the substitute Shinigami.

The ginger Shinigami suddenly felt his Reiryoku drain a little, the wound on his back felt like it was roughly sandpapered and he winced when he tried to slowly straighten his back. Ichigo yelled through gritted teeth, attempting to deal with the sudden spike of pain as Naruto lashed out with a brutal ax kick to his bloodied back. Before he could even make contact with the floor, Naruto brought his other leg and nailed him in the stomach, kicking him across the dirt path as he rolled back onto his feet clutching his stomach.

The group watched as the strange blade suddenly started bulging underneath the bandages before it was torn off. The blade seemed to be comprised of multiple blue sharp teeth-like scales that ran along the entirety of the blade until the hilt facing downwards, allowing it to hurt its opponent over a large area instead of a thin cut.

"And I quote, 'My Samehada doesn't cut... It shaves you to ribbons!'." He vanished briefly before appearing behind the confused Ichigo, stunning everyone with his immense speed. Yoruichi was shocked that he moved faster than her even with the large blade. He grinned and twisted his body in the air, facing Ichigo's back while dragging the scaled blade with the momentum from his still twisting body. Ichigo barely had time to block with flat of his Zanpakuto before the tooth-like blade smashed into his sword and flung him against the side of the wall. Ichigo grunted in pain as his back collided with the hard brick wall, cracking it. Without giving him any time to breath, Naruto jabbed Samehada forwards into his stomach, smashing his falling body back into the indent in the wall causing him to gasp and cough, spittle and blood splattering onto the dirt floor before he slumped onto the blade.

_He completely thrashed Ichigo without breaking a sweat. He's powerful alright._ Uryuu and Yoruichi thought to themselves. Naruto grinned; he loved knocking these big shot gaki's down a peg. Doing this meant that idiots like him would learn not to challenge every single person he comes across.

_Just like how I was when I was a kid._

"Fuin." Naruto muttered under his breath, causing the seal painted on the skull to glow briefly as bandages materialized and started wrapping the thorny blade back to its much safer form. Naruto pulled the blade back and turned it horizontally in front of Ichigo, allowing his bleeding and unconscious body to fall and dangle onto the now bandaged blade and slung the blade over his head –with Ichigo on it – onto his shoulder like a hobo would with a bindle.

"That was easier than taking candy from a baby. A dead baby, that is."

Turning to the stunned group, he merely mock bowed and walked back towards them. He slid Ichigo off – not so softly, if the thump from his head bouncing off the floor was any sign – and started healing the back of the passed out ginger with medical ninjutsu, the flesh mending back together from its previously shredded form and darning the cracked ribs from the earlier jab he gave him.

Yoruichi whistled as best as a cat could.

"That… was very impressive." The deep voice feline praised, causing Naruto to chuckle and tip his imaginary hat. Impressive didn't cut it. Yoruichi had never seen a better swordsman in all the time she had spent in Sereitei, she was pretty sure even she would have an incredibly hard time facing off against the blonde maelstrom.

"Well, let's all get to bed. We've got a long day tomorrow." He closed his eyes and placed his hands at head before lying on the dirt floor.

The pink haired vice-captain of the 11th Division, Yachiru, had seen the entire fight while sitting on the roof, she was sure Ken-chan would love to fight with Naru-chan, the amount of power he showed during the fight was more than enough to convince her that he was the perfect candidate for a fight. Smiling gleefully; she quickly leaped from the roof to the next, slowly making her way to her unconscious captain in the 4th Division ward.


	2. Chapter 2 : Pranking and Pummeling Ass

_Fishcake._

_Challenge._

_Sharkskin._

_Shave._

_Pain._

_Kick._

_Wall._

_Goddamnit._

_Darkness._

_Blissful unconsciousness._

That was all Ichigo could remember from his incredibly pathetic one sided fight with Naruto when he got his ass handed to him on a silver platter. Maybe Naruto was trying to teach him something like 'not to challenge everyone you meet so that you don't die' or something.

Nah.

Blonde punk probably got lucky when he hit him. And hit him. And hit him again. And again.

Okay, so maybe he did get his ass handed to him, not that you could blame him because that blonde had a huge sword with teeth. Fucking teeth. You don't see that shit every day. Not to mention he felt his Reiryoku drain when that thing shaved the skin of his back off.

God, that fucking-

"Well, look who decided to wake up after I served a lovely dinner of ass-kick. C'mon Strawberry-chan, It's time to return to the world of the living!"

_God, that fucking asshole._

"You're a bitch." Was all Ichigo could manage before flopping back onto the dirt. Strange, he didn't feel any pain. Almost as if the fight never occurred.

"That's coming from the guy that took the beating I gave him like one. Now get up or you don't get breakfast."

His eyes immediately shot open, sitting up straight with sleepy, narrowed eyes. He watched the group eat under a cherry blossom tree. Beams of broken sunlight passing through the pink leaves and hitting the blonde newcomer, making him look rather godly.

_No homo._

He got up and dusted himself off, noticing that his clothes were as good as new.

"Hey Naruto, did you stitch my shirt?" He asked with an eyebrow raised, he didn't think Naruto was one for sewing but then again, that white haori he wears with the flames doesn't look very easy to find.

"No I didn't Strawberry-chan-" He groaned inwardly at the name, he should have knew better than to let Naruto goad him into a challenge he couldn't win by using his own hot headed temper against himself.

_Maybe that was the lesson he was trying to teach?_

_Nah._

"-I mean, haven't you noticed how your clothes always mend themselves back whenever you aren't paying attention? Just like mine, well, mine has a seal in it to fix it back to its original form as long as it's still touching my body, but y'know."

_Wait; what the fuck. What he's saying does make sense. When the hell did my clothes restore itself after the fight with Kenpa-chicken? Why didn't anyone else notice this? Why didn't I notice this?_

"Probably because the writer of this fan fiction would be too lazy to say that you fight all your battles with scraps of cloth, attached merely by strings."

"Wait, what? Fan fiction?"

"Never mind me." He waved dismissively. "Come, eat breakfast." He touched his tattoo and summoned a box of cereal after muttering 'fuin'. He poured the cereal into a bowl and adding the milk - Yoruichi was drinking - that was on the floor.

"How the hell did you do that? Why Hell do you have cereal on you?"

"Magic and why the Hell do you not?" Naruto said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the stupid question while Ichigo shrugged and started eating, Orihime was casually chatting with Uryuu while Yoruichi was on Naruto's shoulder, nuzzling his whiskered cheek.

The wind blew, scattering the loose cheery blossom petals from the tree onto the group. A lone figure appeared a good distance away from the group, the figure's long hair fluttered in the wind.

"Oh what the hell, my cereal has petals in it." Ichigo muttered from the side.

"Say, Yoruichi, who is that?" Naruto pointed to the faraway silhouette, the cherry blossom petals seemed to fixate and float around the person like a tornado. A pretty pink tornado.

"Cherry blossoms, long hair, cocky strut. Yep, that's the 6th Division Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki. Older brother of Rukia, the girl we're here to save."

"Is he a threat?"

"Yep."

Naruto watched past the petals, taking in every detail of the smug aristocrat. His regal face and high cheekbones, long black hair with white intricate hair pieces, symbolising his nobility as clan head. A long white scarf fluttered in the seemingly endless wind. He wore the typical captain's clothing with a large number six in Chinese at the back.

_I'd love to break the stick that's in his ass. He's like if a Uchiha and a Hyuuga got together and made this royal abomination._

"So, should we bail?" He questioned the cat, who nodded in response. Yoruichi didn't want to risk them dealing with Byakuya's Bankai when she didn't know if Naruto was capable of defending himself against the thousand slender blade fragments that would scatter. Capable of offensive and defensive manoeuvres to prevent the opponent from getting close to him by sending waves and waves of cherry 'blossom-esque' shards to slice and dice foes.

"Definitely. I'm not sure if you're capable of dealing with his Shikai, let alone his Bankai. Try and distract him while we escape." She muttered before pouncing away to alert the rest.

Naruto nodded.

"Well alrighty then." He quickly rushed through a few hand seals. Inhaling deeply, he muttered,

"_Katon: Haijingakure no Jutsu (Fire Style: Art of Hiding in Ash)!__"_

Naruto exhaled, spewing a large blanket of scorching-hot chakra-infused ash at the surprised Kuchiki who immediately shunpo'd backwards. The ash was the perfect smoke screen, covering the intruders up from his view and prevented them from walking through it.

His eyes were wide in surprise, he had never seen anyone do something like that before, he was sure that the ability of ash belonged to the busty Vice-Captain of Division 10. He was even more surprised when he realised the man didn't even use a Zanpakuto and instead ejected the burning ash from his mouth after utilising his hands.

Perhaps he had underestimated the strange man that landed into Soi Fong's office and caused a ruckus in Sereitei, he'd have to speak to Unohana-taicho about how he managed to escape. He considered him a threat, and any and all threats to Sereitei meant that they had to be…

He narrowed his eyes.

_Eliminated._

* * *

><p>Quickly grabbing a confused Orihime and an embarrassed Uryuu, Naruto leapt over the barracks and ran with both of them hanging on his shoulders, Yoruichi and Ichigo not far behind. He quickly let them down onto the tiled roof of walls that ran along the streets of 'Heaven', before turning back to Ichigo and Yoruichi.<p>

"Alright, here's the plan. You guys find the prison Rukia and the rest of your friends are in while I go cause some trouble and distract them from you." They nodded as Yoruichi climbed onto his shoulder, making him raise his eyebrow.

"I should come with you. No doubt Byakuya-teme has considered you a threat after your little stunt. He'll be alerting everyone to look for you since they want to eliminate the threat, that's why you need me to help you when you meet a Captain, I can tell you all their weaknesses and skills." She answered, he nodded. It made sense that they'd want to deal with the powerful threat first.

Naruto quickly put his hands in a cross sign, making his signature shadow clone jutsu. A good thirty clones popped out from thin air and leapt away as soon as he said two words.

_"Cause trouble."_

* * *

><p>Toshiro Hitsugaya was bored, but he never showed it. His stern face was as cold as his hair colour, snow white. His turquoise eyes scanned the piece of paper over and over again before his eyes gazed over to the slump form of his Vice-Captain. Having Matsumoto Rangiku as his Vice-Captain was difficult; saying that she liked paperwork was like saying that she had a flat chest.<p>

Much to the Captains chagrin, Rangiku fell asleep yet again after she dumped most of her paper work on his pile, not even bothering to read up on the new report that Byakuya-taicho had sent out. She should have been interested that the intruder had used a power that let him spew roasting hot ash from his mouth, using it as a smoke screen and a defensive manoeuvre since her Zanpakuto had the ability to ash. Uncharacteristically rolling his eyes, he turned back to the paper.

A figure walked up to his desk to which he promptly ignored, he wanted to finish reading the report. He spoke to the person, lifting his eyes from the piece of paper only for a split second.

"Hold on for a minute, I need to finish reading this report before I can get to you."

The intruder was identified as a blonde, bright blue eyes and an outfit consisting of an orange-black jumper with a long white haori with fire decorations at the bottom. Three whisker markings decorated each cheek and had elongated canine teeth when he opened his mouth to eject the ash.

_Strange, that almost sounds like the guy…_ Toshiro narrowed his eyes at the report before slowly lifting his head, taking in the entirety of the man in front of him.

_…Standing right in front of me._ His eyes widened as the intruder stood before him, he quickly unsheathed his Zanpakuto and kicked the desk full of papers forward, causing them to lift off and scatter into the air. Naruto jumped over the table and rolled aside as a katana immediately sliced where he was standing at. Lifting his arm up, he pressed onto a seal and summoned his trusty old weapon, feared by many in his village.

_Paint bombs._

He tossed one at the confused Captain of the 10th Division who instinctually slashed at it, thinking he would easily destroy it. However, it blew up and painted most of his face and hair with a bright red, the paint splattered onto the wall behind him and left an outline of his hair, head and shoulders.

The clone took advantage of the now spluttering Captain – who had paint in his mouth – by swiping his legs from underneath him and making him fall onto his back. The clone smirked and dropped another bomb onto his chest, drenching his body in a startling bright pink. He tossed another one onto the _still _sleeping Rangiku and snickered as it rolled in between her very exposed cleavage, exploding and coating her breasts, neck and chin with a warm, sunny yellow.

He leapt out of the window screaming _'Naruto Uzumaki always wins!'_ breaking it and leaving them with a few more paint bombs which he rolled to each corner of the room. Those promptly detonated, showering the furniture and paper with an assortment of colours of the rainbow, leaving behind an office full of paint, ruined paper/furniture, a distraught Hitsugaya and a confused, awakening Matsumoto.

"Taicho…" Toshiro stiffly turned his head towards the sleepy Rangiku, a large scowl on his red face. "You've got something over-" She gestured to the entire office, "-_there_."

* * *

><p>Ten clones split up as they went to the front of the large manor, five of them doing the same hand signs while the other five did a separate set of hand signs.<p>

"_Doton: Doro Hōshi (Earth Release: Mud Spore)!"_

_"__Suiton: Mizurappa (Water Release: Wild Water Wave)!"__  
><em>  
>The two techniques consisting of a river of mud and a large wave of water mixed and smashed into the front of the mansion. Soon, an overlay of mud covered the whole house, blocking the front door, windows and plants with a tidal wave of mud.<p>

"Now this is art!" One of the clones yelled the familiar line – used by a certain blonde haired bomber and red head puppeteer – before the rest cheered as the Kuchiki Manor was immediately ruined by the ten clones.

"Hey is that a swimming pool?" One of them asked, the rest followed his eyes to find a large, untouched swimming pool in the backyard.

They looked at each other before grinning.

"Pool party!"

Each of them stripped off their clothes until they were left with their pants before jumping into the shimmering water. Blasting each other with water and ruing the land and uprooting flowers around the pool.

_Somewhere in the 6__th__ Division offices, a tired Byakuya Kuchiki who was waiting to retire back to his quarters felt a sudden chill up his spine. He was very certain that he didn't leave the stove on._

* * *

><p>Soi Fong sighed in relief as she sat on her chair. The new table she ordered just came in an finally gave her a place to put her loose papers ever since that <em>– cute and handsome – <em>blonde smashed hers, the roof was also replaced due to the hole he left in it after crashing into it.

Groaning, she read the newest report Omeda, her Vice-Captain, had placed on the table. She hated paper work as much as Matsumoto did, however her stubborn personality wouldn't allow her to slack off and thus, she dealt with it.

Flipping the papers she read Byakuya's report of the ash incident and the newest one involving the 10th Division Captain.

Apparently the 10th Division was 'attacked' by him, he managed to break into the office with his ridiculous outfit and paint bomb the entire room while the Captain and Vice-Captain were still inside before leaving via window. Toshiro's – very colourful – report stated that he was very agile and was able to dodge his strikes before he tricked him.

Apparently, Yachiru, the adorable Vice-Captain of the 11th Division relayed information that she witnessed him turned the teen who beat Kenpachi into paste with a weapon named Samehada, a giant, shark tooth-esque weapon and completely whooped his ass without even trying.

She sighed and looked out her window as an orange and black blur flashed by. She knew that outfit from anywhere. She was bored and wanted to test his fighting abilities, opening the window and leaping out before giving chase to the speeding blonde.

* * *

><p>Naruto sensed a presence that was almost as fast as him attempting to chase after him. He smiled and made his way to the forest besides the 2nd Division. The large trees reminded him of his old ninja village, Konoha. He smirked, knowing that he was at the advantage in his natural surroundings with enough places to hide that the pursuer would be playing needle in the haystack.<p>

He turned around to face the rapidly approaching Captain, placing his index and middle finger on the seal at his wrist, he summoned his Gunbai. A large and unique looking fan dropped into his hand, this Gunbai was previously wielded by the legendary and infamous Madara Uchiha of his time. The fan was wide with three tomoes on it at the bottom, representing Uchiha's pride, the Sharingan. The hilt was wrapped in bandages, as well as a _very_ long metal chain connecting to its butt allowing the user to swing the Gunbai like a flail.

With a stoic face, he blinked and casually lifted the Gunbai in front of him with one hand, blocking the bullet punch that Soi Fong aimed at his jaw; a large shockwave pushed the leaves beside and behind Naruto away. Soi Fong immediately pulled her fist back and curled her body into a ball before twisting her legs to where her fist was and, forcefully kicking off from the Gunbai like an Olympic swimmer and blasting off another large shockwave.

Other than his hair and clothes waving from the power behind the kick, Naruto didn't even budge.

Soi Fong flipped in the air as she watched Naruto lower the weapon, Gunbai in one hand and chain in the other. He did a slow jog towards Soi Fong before jumping and twirling in the air, bringing the Gunbai along before releasing directly it at her. Soi Fong ran forward and front flipped over the large war fan, her back almost touching the steel and paper. She landed right before she saw Naruto's arm tug the chain back, her eyes widened and she yelled out as the bottom of the fan crashed against her back and pulled her towards him. She pulled out her Zanpakuto and aimed it directly at him before muttering with narrowed eyes,

_"__Jinteki Shakusetsu_ _(Sting all Enemies to Death), Suzumebachi!__"_

Naruto noticed her wakizashi Zanpakuto glow white before turning into a large black and gold gauntlet with a golden 'stinger' on her middle finger. _Something like that has to have a reason for being that short, perhaps if she stings me with it I may potentially die. _He thought to himself as he leapt up into the air and tugged on the chain even harder.

Watching her aim her arm at his heart, he immediately resealed the Gunbai back into his wrist and grabbed her hand as it barely touched his chest; he pulled her hand away with his left hand before he drove his right forearm into her chin which she just managed to dodge by leaning back, completely caught her off guard with his sudden speed.

She lifted her knee to his stomach which he blocked by bringing his own up, he twisted his leg – so that it was horizontal to her vertical – while his knee was still connected with hers but allowed him to deliver a snap kick her hip. Wincing from the sudden pain, she gritted her teeth and used her free hand to slugged him in the ribs four times rapidly, cracking them and causing him to gasp in pain. He released her hand and immediately backhanded her towards the ground.

_Did he just fucking bitch slap me?_

He vanished and intercepted her still falling body by appearing behind her and delivering a vicious kick to the side of her abdomen, causing her to change course from the floor to the tree. Chunks of wood and splinters scattered from her location in the tree trunk, he re-summoned his Gunbai and raised it over his head like a spear. Yelling, he threw it with all his might, though completely blunt, the sheer strength used to throw the Gunbai imbedded itself into the tree.

"I hope I didn't kill her, she was super cute and had nice hair too." He muttered,

Soi Fong shunpo'd onto the metal chain with a blush after hearing his comment. She ran up the entirety of the chain before twisting her waist, delivering a brutal bone breaking kick to his head. He leaned back, avoiding the kick and brought the chain in his hand up before wrapping it around her leg, effectively tying her to the Gunbai's chain.

He flickered back to where the Gunbai itself was and threw it into the sky with all its might.

"Express elevator going up!" he yelled at Soi Fong

She watched as the Gunbai passed her in mid-air, not catching it in fear of her arm being ripped off. She then looked down and realised the chain was wrapped around her ankle, she watched hopelessly as the chain yanked her ankle up and dragged her further up into the sky. Naruto blurred through a lot of hand signs and shouted,

_"_It's been fun Soi-chan, but all good things must come to an end! _Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu (Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet Technique)__!"_

The falling Soi Fong – _didn't even have time to blush at the 'Soi-chan' _– watched as the water he spat from his mouth turned into a large watery dragon, which roared as it charged directly at her falling body. She closed her eyes as the dragon collided into her, immediately dislocating her shoulder and sending her ragdoll through multiple branches, grunting as she broke them all with her already bruised back.

She expected to hit the dirt floor but was surprised when she landed in a grinning Naruto's arms, much to her chagrin when she didn't see a single visible scratch on his body.

"Y-you're really go-good." Was all she managed to mumble before passing out from the amount of trauma she just went through in five seconds. He chuckled and made four clones to gently carry her battered body to Retsu-chan.

"Well, that was a good work out." He rolled his shoulders and twisted his neck. He looked down at the piece of paper he unfolded from his pocket, and used a red marker to cancel something off in the paper. Yoruichi leapt down from her spot in the trees and landed on his shoulders.

"You didn't even help me at all."

"Not that you needed it. You really beat the crap out of my student." She noticed the paper in his hands, "What's that?" He smirked and showed her the paper.

Gotei.

1.  
>2. Beaten (Really badly)<br>3.  
>4.<br>5.  
>6. Pranked (Ruined house)<br>7.  
>8.<br>9.  
>10. Pranked (Ruined office and clothes)<br>11.  
>12.<br>13.

"This my dearest kitty-cat, is my hit list. If I've pranked, beaten or killed either of these people then I cancel their number out. Like Soi-chan was two, so I cancelled her number out which signifies that I've beaten her. It's like playing bingo!" He grinned like a child would when receiving a new toy to play with.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes at the blonde before pointing her paw in another direction,

"C'mon Naruto, I can sense another Captain over there. You can go kick their ass." Naruto simply whooped in delight before running off into the direction Yoruichi pointed at.

**PLEASE REVIEW NICE THINGS, THEY MAKE ME SMILE. HE'S NOT USING ANY OF HIS DOUJUTSU YET.**


	3. Chapter 3 : Arrancar vs Naruto

Yamamoto-soutaicho was not pleased. The damned blonde had already managed to best two of his captains, albeit it they were younger than the rest, they were still captains, damn it! He didn't want to deal with ruffians– hey! – like him. If one if his captains could give him a good beating, he'd personally congratulate them.

He sighed deeply and rubbed his wrinkled forehead and traced his worn fingers over his old 'X' shaped scar. The boy was powerful and a troublemaker, no sense of discipline. If worst comes to worst and _all_ his captains lost to the blonde, he'd have to personally deal with him himself.

He wasn't afraid to…

What was it the teens call it these days?

_Whoop some ass_.

* * *

><p>The captains assembled in the large room, most of them snickering at the – once snow-white hair turned fire-red – 10th Division Captain. His face was the same as his hair while his neck was completely sparkling pink. He sighed and covered his face in embarrassment; he was supposed to be the serious. Now the cold and calculative captain now reduced to a laughing stock due to the incredibly challenging to wash off paint. Jushiro and Shunsui really wanted to meet Naruto for pulling such a great prank – and hopefully convincing him not to prank them by bribing him with quality sake –<p>

He would totally get revenge and get him back for ruining his pride and papers. He just needed to get his hands on his neck so that he could wring it.

His Vice-Captain sported a bright yellow bust, neck and chin. Much to Gin's – her surrogate older brother – chagrin, Rangiku didn't mind because they would make an excuse just stare at where the paint was, which was coincidentally at her breasts. And she didn't really bother covering up her '_ample' _cleavage.

Gin palmed his face when he saw even Tosen checking his surrogate sister out.

The _blind_ man was checking out his little sister.

_How?_

Gin groaned, slammed his head on the table and placed his hands on his head.

* * *

><p>Unohana casually glanced at Sui Fong sat in her seat, closing her eyes and hissing softly when the bruise on her back, face, ribs and shoulder touched her chair. She silently swore that she would kick Naruto's ass – even though she was the one who started the fight and totally enjoyed it –<p>

It was strange; she enjoyed a guy kicking her ass why? Because he was the first one to do it, the only other person who could kick her ass was probably the Soutaicho and _her._ Yes, she was still upset that _she_ left her without even saying goodbye. Her best friend, mentor and ex-Captain just straight up and left one day with that – slimy, son of a bitch – Kisuke Urahara.

But now she had a new person to strive to surpass, no longer was she interested in besting her former mentor. Now all she wanted to do was to revel in the sweet, sweet taste of victory when she pummels him into the ground… after _a lot_ of training of course. He did shrug off or block most of her punches and kicks even though her high speed taijutsu was the best in all of Sereitei. And she was glad that he kicked her ass thoroughly, that meant she had something else to do.

_A purpose._

A goal to achieve instead of sitting in a stuffy office, going through piles of papers and reports all day until she becomes as wrinkly and old as Yamamoto-soutaicho.

Her new goal was to surpass Naruto Uzumaki.

_Cough, cough – and possibly go on a date with him – cough._

* * *

><p>Byakuya sat in front of the rest of the Captains and was in a foul mood.<p>

He was right; he didn't leave the stove on.

So _imagine his surprise_ getting home and finding the front of his manor completely_ covered_ in mud.

A foreign wail of irritation and anger escaped the usually thin-lined Kuchiki's mouth.

He even found out about the pool that the Shinigami Women's Association had secretly built in his backyard without his permission.

Even worse, the clones were still swimming inside.

Fuming silently inwardly, his stoic face sporadically twitching, he briskly walked over before muttering,

"_Chire, Senbonzakura (Scatter, Thousand Cherry Blossoms)!_"

"What the hell are you-" The clone never finished his sentence.

His blade scattered into thousands of shards, turning pink after reflecting the light and seemingly becoming harmless cherry blossom petals. The shards of his Zanpakuto swirled around the swimming pool, picking up speed before the entire thing exploded, annihilating the clones and raining debris and water onto the grass from the sky.

Upset voices spoke at the back of his house.

"He found it!" Matsumoto whined, she really did love that pool.

"Byakkun, you meanie!" Yachiru yelled.

* * *

><p>During the captains meeting, Yamamoto directed all his captains to halt office work and hunt down the ruffian blonde, causing many to panic over the man who wiped the floor with Soi Fong.<p>

Once the meeting was over, Aizen, Gin and Tosen immediately went down the same hallway.

"What should we do about this intruder? He seems to fit the description your Espada gave of the man who killed number 8 and 9." Tosen asked, slightly worried that this new threat had enough power to easily down, if not kill, Soi Fong easily.

"We might have to make a few _arrangements_ for Uzumaki-san. Perhaps send the Espada, no matter if we lose a few; we can simply create more." Aizen answered rather casually, like how one would when describing the weather.

One of the many aspects of Aizen that Tosen hated; the way he threw away lives so casually was disgusting and inhumane. Even if they were artificial lives, they were still sentient and could think freely.

_They lived and breathed, they could feel pain and emotion. _

_They were still lives._

He knew that this man would soon have to die, which is why he was going to '_betray' _Sereitei. He wouldn't stand for this, he was a man of justice and would not allow such a threat to accomplish his goals. He didn't know what Gin was doing associating with Aizen but he knew that Gin was smart enough to know that Aizen was power hungry, smart _and_ insane. His aim to transcend even God was preposterous; he actually wanted to become God's God.

_What a ridiculous notion._

_Ridiculous, but not impossible._

And if someone that insanely smart was given the amount of power to become God's boss, well the result would not be pretty.

The silver haired trickster thought similarly, but for different reasons.

The day he met and fed dried persimmon to Rangiku Matsumoto on the ground in Rukongai (Wondering Soul City) was the best day of his life. He treated and cared for her like a little sister after they met that day.

When he went to collect firewood, he spotted Aizen himself and three other Shinigami kneeling before him. He saw that Aizen held a ball of pink energy and he recognized the three Shinigami as the ones who left the area where Rangiku was. Assuming Aizen was the leader, he made it his personal goal to kill the four of them.

He still remembers the words he told a Matsumoto when he came back in a Shinigami's uniform, she asked him what he was doing and answered,

_"I've decided. I'm gonna become a Shinigami. I'll become a Shinigami, and change things. I'll make it so you never have to cry again."_

He would do anything to protect his surrogate little sister.

**_Anything._**

_And killing Aizen would definitely protect her._

So he hid his aim behind a mask of smiles and squinted eyes, he slowly advanced in ranks after killing Aizen's third seat and replacing him. Soon after, he managed to score a position as a captain and was closer than ever to completing his goal of killing him.

_Lying and waiting to strike, just like a snake._

"Come; let us begin with the plans." Aizen smirked as he drew his Zanpakuto.

* * *

><p>Ichigo, Orihime and Uryuu managed to stumble across the newly healed – and incredibly bored – Kenpachi, who assisted them in freeing Chad and Ganju Shiba along the way in exchange for a fight with Naruto.<p>

_Fuck the duties of a Shinigami._ _All he wanted to do was to fight._

"You seriously want to fight against Naruto? You do know you could die right?" Ichigo asked, only for Kenpachi to give his maniacal blood-lusting grin. The entire point of a fight with someone strong was the thrill, the adrenaline you receive when you realise you could die against someone of a higher calibre than you just makes fighting them and surviving was just so… _satisfying._

The humans have a game similar to this; they call it _'Russian Roulette'_. In this case, your enemy would be luck and chance.

"I know." Was the simple answer that was returned to him, but it was filled with a burning passion.

_One might even go as far as to say it was 'Burning with the Flames of Youth.'_

* * *

><p>Faraway, Naruto suddenly shuddered.<p>

* * *

><p>"Well, let's find Rukia then you can go and try to kill Naruto. I'll bet he's kicking-" Ichigo said before he got cut off when multi-coloured circular lights started appearing from a hole in the sky, the blasted forwards in a radiant beam of energy before exploding, causing a small tremor.<p>

"What the hell was that?!" Uryuu gulped in fear, Kenpachi shrugged.

Soon, another large explosion sounded off and shook the floor the group stood on. The epicentre of the explosion sent out waves and waves of tremors causing the floor and walls to crack from the sheer force. The force of the explosion sent gusts of wind in all direction, kicking up dirt and leaves from the floor and scattering them into the air.

"He's _definitely_ kicking ass." He finished. Suddenly, a towering man dropped from the sky and landed on the floor in front of the group. His whole head was hidden under a strange and large helmet, his hands and arms were covered in metal gloves and bracers, a large Chinese number 7 on the back of his Captain's coat.

"Kenpachi Zaraki, you are under arrest for assisting and freeing the intruders and must be apprehended. Surrender, for there is no escape." His voice was stern and sharp, almost as if he were a judge. Kenpachi just grinned maliciously.

"Well Komamura, this just gives me a reason to see what you look like under that helmet." That being said, he leapt at him, drawing his blade.

* * *

><p>"That's such an obvious Genjutsu." Naruto said as he raised his fingers in a cross position before yelling 'Kai!'<p>

The illusion of Aizen being impaled on the pillar flickered out of existence. Naruto narrowed his eyes at the spot where the illusion was. Why did that Captain fake his death? Was he trying to hide something by pretending to kill himself? There was definitely something going on here.

The different squads of Shinigami watched as illusion vanish and they all realised they had been tricked by Aizen. Before anything else could happen, a thunderous crack sounded from the sky and the bright blue skies seemed to sunder. At first only pitch black could be seen on the inside, soon, an assortment of different neon colours formed and blasted right out of the hole in the sky and into the group, eradicating all the Shinigami caught in the blast zone. Naruto narrowed his eyes at the death and destruction before turning to the multiple figures floated down from the sky; each of them wearing the white colour of the Arrancar.

"What the hell's this all about?!" Naruto yelled at them. One of them vanished briefly before reappearing in front of him and bringing his sword downwards at Naruto. The blonde immediately side stepped the man and twisted his waist, bringing his foot in a full circle and planting his instep into his cheek. The impact snapped his neck immediately, killing and blasting him back into the group of Arrancar as his dead body collided with his colleagues, getting tangled in each other's limbs. They flung his dead body off themselves before yelling and brandishing their blades.

Snorting at how easily he killed them, he settled with using fists.

Charging ahead, he leaned backwards as a sword missed his head. He quickly turned while still leaning backwards and grabbed the wrist that swung the sword. Viciously pulling and swinging, the Arrancar yelled in agony as he felt his shoulder dislocate. Maelstrom slammed the man onto the floor, cracking it. Wrist still in hand, he stomped hard with his heel onto the man's shoulder connected to that same wrist while yanking upwards, all the while eliciting tortured screams from the man.

With enough force pulling upwards and pushing downwards, eventually something will break apart; in this case, 'something' being the man's entire arm from shoulder to fingertip. After ripping his arm off, he repeatedly slammed the shoulder bit into the dying Arrancar's face while holding his wrist; using his entire arm as a weapon.

"Why are you hitting yourself?" He questioned in a serious tone.

_The sound of static._

_A sudden shift in the air behind him._

_The sound of metal cutting apart the atmosphere around him._

_"Asura Path."_

His Doujutsu activated instinctually, a metallic arm emerged from the back of his shoulder, ripping the fabric of his cloak apart and grabbing the sword that was about to slash him in the back by the blade. The utter strength the Asura Path's metalloid limbs and weapons gave was immense, able to rip Jiraya the Toad Sage's arm off and crush his throat with basic Taijutsu. **(A.N: Holy shit that episode was so sad to watch.)**

The shocked Arrancar screamed as another face emerged from the back of Naruto's head, instead of a fleshy face it had multiple screws and bolts in it. Glassy eyes and a hostile grin appeared on the once emotionless face. The lower jaw dropped downwards, evil grin still plastered on it even with an open mouth. The man watched in horrifying curiosity, too petrified to even look away, much less run as a large blue ball formed in the mouth and blasted outwards, removing the Arrancar's head from his body, reducing it to cinders.

The metal arm released the blade as the now headless body slumped over onto the ground. Naruto's entire shoulder started spinning at incredible speeds; his grip on the stolen arm from the first Arrancar tightening, blood from the ripped arm splattering and moistening the dirt floor. The mechanical blonde turned and flung the torn limb at the closest Arrancar and knocking him away with the amount of impetus put into the throw from Naruto's spinning arm.

The other Arrancar started backing up in fear, they watched as he man-handled their last two – now deceased – teammates with ease; turning into a sadistic robot on the second one. The Arrancar at the front lifted his hand towards the robotic fishcake, a small, yellow ball of ill-natured energy forming at the tips of his fingers. He gave a smug grin and cockily muttered,

_"Cero."_

The blast headed straight for Naruto before he raised his palm up and responded '_kindly' _with a

_"Shinra Tensei (Almighty Push)!"_

The hostile beam immediately rebounded from Naruto, heading straight back to its owner. Too caught up with the slight amazement and infinite fear of his beam rebounding, he stood there and took it to the face – well, it was his entire body to be fair – with widened eyes, completely incinerating him where he stood.

The force of the Cero exploding with his Shinra Tensei pushing it caused a humongous explosion, knocking back many of the Arrancar and leaving a large crater on the floor, tremors and strong gales of wind sent out in any and all directions. Kicking up a storm of leaves and dirt.

Apparently, after the explosion, his death somehow inspired the partially masked fools as they started charging him with their sonido. Bobbing and weaving through the slashes, jabs and slices. Naruto casually punched in different directions, catching his foes as they tried to run around him, each punch breaking arms, ribs and assorted bones._  
><em>  
>The Captains <strong>(2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 13)<strong> who weren't caught up in random fights just arrived on the scene and watched in sick awe as Naruto seemed to go into a laid-back nature whilst fighting, his face impassive and bored while he dodged swords and watched the Arrancar before him fall before stomping their skulls in. He spun kicked a guy in the jaw with so much power he literally removed it.

_Removed. His. Lower. Jaw._

_Ouch._

Soi Fong visibly blanched when she remembered her fight with him and how glad she was she only received a good spanking – _blush_ – instead of being reduced to lying in a pool of bool missing her lower jaw and arm with most of the bones turned to mere splinters.

They watched as Naruto walked up to the shivering mess of a soldier who was curled into a ball and whimpering. They actually felt slightly bad for the crying hollow-Shinigami, slightly because he did murder multiple of their subordinates. Their eyes widened as he picked the man up by the collar and brought his tear stained, fear filled face to his own inscrutable face and mumbled something, to which the man stuttered his response in fear of provoking him. Closing his eyes and nodding, Naruto cocked his head back and slammed his forehead into the Arrancar.

Instantly reducing his brains to mush and mercy killing him, much better than what his friends suffered through.

_Much, much better._

He dropped the limp body onto the floor and walked a good distance away. Before any of the captains turned spectators could move, he turned around and they could see his eye change from a ringed purple to a burning red with intricate marking on it.

**(Sasuke's Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan.) **The iris was surrounded equally with elongated black triangles, black lines and crisscrossed 1 up and down, and 2 diagonally forming a lotus flower surrounding the iris with 6 petals of equal size.

_"Amaterasu (Heavenly Illumination)!"_

Large black flames emerged from thin air, consuming the bodies of the recently deceased. The captains could feel the withering heat of the flames from their spot on the roof. They realised that Naruto was incredibly powerful, yet he was merciful and only played pranks on them.

Shunsui Kyoraku, Jushiro Ukitake gulped in fear, they would have to be forced to fight him. Perhaps they could convince him to not kill them; never mind kicking their asses and bruising their pride. Toshiro was certain that even his ice would be melted immediately; however, he was not one to disobey Yamamoto-soutaicho and the Central 46's orders. Even Byakuya was sweating, his eyes filled with fear.

The other Captains grudgingly follow him to face the three armed Naruto. Leaping off the roof, they landed behind him and drew their blades and raised them defensively. Naruto's entire head spun around without his body moving almost as if it were disconnected from his spine. His face burst into his casual smile before his body casually spun on his heel and fixed his neck to its proper position, the bolts on his face receded while his extra arm broke off and disintegrated as it hit the floor.

"You're under orders to stop me right?" They nodded, he gave his usual bright grin

_Which would have made Soi Fong's knees weak if it weren't for the fact he just slaughtered a bunch of people and the smell of burning flesh in the air._

"Good, you're unwilling to do this so I'll fight you at half strength and I won't kill or grievously harm you; I promise you that and I never go back on my word… but I'm looking forward to a good fight; so you best come at me with the intention to kill."

The captains glanced at each other and nodded, while Shunsui and Jushiro shrugged, he wasn't going to kill them, and they could tell by the look on his face he was being truthful.

The 6 captains immediately flickered, appeared in front of him and swung their Zanpakuto in different directions…

.

.

.

.

.

…Only to be blocked by large pillars of incredibly dense wood that emerged from the floor, blocking all their swipes at Naruto. They quickly stepped onto the wood and kicked off it, pushing themselves away from it. From the inside, Naruto smiled with mirth at their expressions.

_"There are so many things you don't know about me…"_

**Please review and tell me if the fight scenes are too gruesome or what not, I really hope that it's entertaining enough to read and easy enough to picture in your head. **

**Your opinions matter to me so please send me reviews on what you liked/disliked and I'll try to work on that in the future.**

**As for the Tailed Beasts… they'll be making an appearance soon and you'll learn what they can do for the good/bad guys.**

DO NOTE THAT THIS STORY IS GRAVITATING MOSTLY TOWARDS HUMOR AND ACTION, SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING INCREDIBLY SERIOUS AND STUFF I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT.


	4. Chapter 4: Uzumaki's Wrath

**_(Kenpachi/Ichigo vs Komamura)_**

Kenpachi and Komamura stared at each other, both panting as blood trickled down from various wounds on their bodies. Ichigo fingered his own Zanpakuto nervously as he watched the two Captains duke it out, carving the walls and floor with deep gashes.

"You'll never best me Kenpachi, because the Law always wins." Komamura said rather assertively, his voice was full of conviction and never wavered making Zaraki _almost _believe that he didn't have a chance.

He gave the large dog-face Captain an insane face splitting grin, "We'll see about that… mutt." Said 'mutt' growled deeply as his eyes narrowed, bearing his sharp canines, he charged forward and smashed downwards with all his strength, further damaging Zaraki's already fucked-up sword. Grunting from the unexpected strength behind the blow, the scar faced Shinigami dropped to a knee, allowing Komamura to deal a powerful kick to his sternum, knocking him into a wall.

Ichigo quickly tagged in after Kenpachi smashed against the wall, not giving Komamura breathing space, causing the dog-man to snarl.

"Foolish boy, I may be injured but I will still triumph over the corrupted." As he said this, he spun around, using his momentum to further power his sword causing Ichigo to block instinctually. He naturally expected his incredibly oversized blade to block Komamura's normal sized _(for him) _blade, however, having his blade almost cleaved in half was not accounted for.

The gloved fist to his nose was also not expected for.

Rolling onto his feet after sliding on his back, he painfully snapped his bloodied nose back into place, silently wincing at the mere action of touch. Both Komamura and Ichigo were then distracted by a large wall of azure fire consuming the air quite a distance away.

_Whoa, that was definitely Naruto. Just how strong is he?_ The ginger thought to himself while Komamura was more along the lines of, _Must eliminate threat after this._

Ichigo charged forward and slashed from left leg to right shoulder while Komamura intercepted it halfway, knowing that a simple block would stop his almost broken Zanpakuto. What he didn't know was that blocking it was enough to completely break his Zanpakuto, which Ichigo had been completely betting on happening. The large shard spun upwards, forcing Komamura to tilt his head to the right to avoid embedding the chunk of metal in his face. Ichigo however, quickly spun and smashed the blunt end into Komamura's temple, causing the giant hounds' vision to blur. He brought the blunt side up and smashed it into Komamura's furry head, knocking out the confused and staggering captain.

Panting, Ichigo wiped his sweating forehead with the back of his hand, "Didn't think that would work..." He murmured before falling onto his butt, watching as Orihime went to heal both unconscious captains. A rumble in the earth made him instinctually look back to the place where the fire blast occurred.

He watched in surprised awe – if his face was anything to go by – as a gigantic lotus bulb emerged on an even larger stem, spinning wildly, opening up before scattering thousands upon thousands of glinting petals into the sky, rather similar to Byakuya's own Shikai. A miniature tornado appeared out of thin air, carrying the petals in a way that made it seem like a very menacing nature blender. The tornado continued before an large ice dragon sacrificed itself to destroy the natural shredder, scattering hail over a large radius due to the strong winds.

_Holy shit…_ Ichigo thought to himself as he rolled out of the way of a large icicle which pierced the dirt where he once sat. _I'm so glad I'm not fighting that crazy son of a bitch._

* * *

><p><strong><span><em>Naruto vs Captains (Just a few minutes ago.)<em>**

The temperature dropped drastically and their breaths were visible in puffs of hot carbon dioxide. Shouting, the captains charged their foe again while he brought up a large wooden wall that stopped the large ice dragon in its tracks. Sidestepping a pair of electrified blade and another pair of Chinese-esque scimitars, Naruto gripped both their wrists and forced them to knock their foreheads against each other's. He released the two giddy best friends before he jumped into the air and lashed out with a brutal snap kick, completing a perfect split in mid-air.

The pair clutched their bellies and stumbled backwards as Naruto was shot forward, the dirt beneath his feet not providing enough traction for him to stay put from Soi Fong's shunpo-drop kick aimed at his back. He smashed through a few of his previously sprouted trees and crashed against the base of another, rolling uncomfortably against the surfaced roots. Sensing their master's discomfort, a pair ripped themselves out of the floor and proceeded to support him as he stood up. He quickly wiped away the blood leaking from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned, exposing bloodied teeth. Dragging his tongue over his teeth and checking to see if any were loose, he slapped his hands together and placed both his index and middle fingers together and brought them to his mouth.

_"Katon: Gouka Arashi (Hell Fire Storm)!"_

A wild torrent of azure flames blasted out from his mouth, igniting the chakra-made forest in a lovely shade of blue. Soi Fong immediately back flipped out of the grasps of the rampaging flames that consumed the wood. Flickering, she disappeared and reappeared next to him, sending her fist into his cheek which cracked like wood.

_Boom_

He didn't even have time to comprehend anything from the absurd amount of power she put into the punch, which turned his head into splinters. _What? A wood clone?!_ She thought as the limp body turned into a bark brown and sank into the dirt. Acting on instinct, she barely dodged a sudden kick from underneath her by jumping up into the air and through the treetops. Anticipating this, Naruto's previously made clones leapt from the top of the trees and engulfed Soi Fong in a mess of limbs. One delivered a savage punch to her back, blasting her forward and above five other clones that formed a square beneath her, the extra clone crouching in the middle.

_"U-ZU-MA-KI!"_ With each syllable, they released a kick that 'ping-ponged' her across all four clones, each kick eliciting a grunt of pain from her. The fifth clone in the middle shot upwards as she headed above him, punching her square in the abdomen and sending her sky high.

Five more appeared high in the air, legs raised above their heads. Soi Fong's eyes widened in shock as the legs were brought down.

_"NARUTO RENDAN!"_

Five feet smashed into the top of her skull and brought her back to the earth. She vanished into a plume of dirt which kicked up as she made a small crater on re-entry. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she fell into the blissful clutches of unconsciousness…

_More likely a painful concussion._

"Chire, Senbonzakura."

The clones were immediately shredded by a wave of fast moving 'petals' from the 6th division Captain. Forming a snake hand sign, Naruto grinned.

_"Mokuton: Kisaki Mankai (Empress of the Full Bloom)!"_  
><em><br>_A rumble came from the ground and shook the floor; it didn't take long for a large curly branch connected to an enormous pink flower bulb – _similar to a lotus bulb_ – to emerge from the floor.

_"Mokuton: Hagane Hanabira Bakuha (Steel Petal Blast)!"_

The branch immediately started shaking and spinning the bulb, almost as if it were dancing to some kind of music. The spinning became faster and faster until the bulb opened up, exposing hundreds upon hundreds of small petals which exploded into the air and started to gently float back to the earth. Reacting to this, Byakuya immediately shunpo'd backwards and away from the tiny petals; and for good reason. A few of the petals imbedded themselves when in contact with the wood from the burnt out forest, almost as if they too, were made of metal. Naruto simply formed a few more hand signs before thrusting outwards, a victorious grin on his face.

_"Mokuton Gouhei Fuuton: Biribiri Hanabira Tatsumaki (Wood Release and Wind Release Union: Ripping Petal Tornado)!"_

Howling winds ripped straight out from his palm and churned the air, carving the floor like a butchered animal. Even worse, the dangerous winds picked up the still drifting petals and whirled them around, turning the tornado into a blender that chews up anything it picks up. Byakuya stood, frozen in shock at the carnage the tornado wrought upon the landscape, tearing up walls and destroying the previously summoned wood.

However, before the tornado managed to reach the stunned captain, a large ice dragon intercepted the force of nature; shredding itself to put out the whirlwind. Taking advantage of the distracted Byakuya, Naruto sped across the field of carnage, ignoring the chunks of ice that fell from the sky and spun kicked the noble in the temple, sending him across and through a large piece of the frozen water, shattering it. Pausing to check his surroundings, he didn't notice the white haired captain that dive-bombed from the sky on icy wings, blade pointed straight at him…

.

.

.

.

.

Just kidding. He totally saw him.

The blonde spun around, stopping the blade from piercing his chest with the ever scary Samehada by smashing the shark-like sword into the floor mouth first, turning the blade into a makeshift shield. Toshiro's eyes widened at the monstrosity that Naruto held in his hand, which seemed to be incredibly light to him seeing as how casual he was holding it. Naruto's evil grin didn't help the situation either.

"Hey batter, batter, hey batter, batter-"

_Oh shit. _Toshiro blanched as he prepared for the worst.

_"-SWING!"_

BAM

The snowy haired Shinigami was sent into the unnaturally darkened sky; blood leaking from his shredded clothes and cut chest, courtesy of Samehada. Slinging Samehada over one shoulder like a baseball bat, he placed his hands at his mouth shouting to the sky "It's a hoooooome run!" as he pictured himself running around a baseball field with his hands in the air.

A weird, soft gurgling noise alerted him of his next enemy. Spinning on his heel, he swung upwards instinctually, smashing the monstrous sword into the – _Is that a fucking giant golden caterpillar with a baby's head on it?_ – The chin of the summoned monster of the 12th division captain. Grimacing at the sight of the disgusting monster spitting when it was struck, Naruto drove a Rasengan into its exposed stomach, sending it backwards and straight to its distraught makeup wearing captain. Chuckling at the 12th division captain's attempt at sneaking up on him with a giant caterpillar baby, he approached the baby-bug hybrid that was writhing on the floor, smacking into its owner with every thrash. Summoning his Gunbai, he quickly hacked the blunt fan into the neck of the monster before slamming Samehada on top of the fan; like a hammer and chisel. Once decapitated, the beast crumbled into chunks of gold, burying its master beneath a small hill of dead baby caterpillar parts.

"Well… that was uh, anticlimactic… I kinda expected like a fountain of blood." Naruto muttered to himself after sealing away the weapons, cracking his knuckles for the next opponent to attempt to kill him, he waited patiently before a rather condescending voice was the only warning for Naruto.

"_Ikorose, Shinsou (Shoot 'em Dead, God Spear)."_

Only managing to dodge the speeding elongated blade by a mere second before it pierced his head, he felt the cold steel of the wakizashi graze his cheek, spilling a minute amount of blood. The elongated blade retracted back to its owner as Naruto placed a finger to the freshly opened wound, wiping his blood off and flicking the crimson droplet onto the dirt.

The ever smiling captain clapped, the wakizashi hanging loosely between his thumb and index finger of his right hand, "Very impressive." Despite his cynical façade, he was still slightly impressed; he managed to dodge his _Shinsou _from behind, even if he did get grazed. Shunpo'ing towards the blonde, he stepped into his guard due to his blade's stout stature and directed the gleaming tip in between his ribs. The blonde safely smacked the side of the blade away, directing it away from his vitals and kneeing Gin in the gut. The silver haired Shinigami swiftly brought a hand up to stop the knee, the only sign of pain from absorbing the amount of power put behind the knee with his hand was a slight twitch of his lower eyelid and the drop of his smile for a second.

An attempt at jabbing the hilt of his Zanpakuto into Naruto's neck caused the blonde to lean back to avoid it, giving Gin enough time to back off a safe distance from him and mentally strategize his next move as he rolled his wrist in circles, attempting to relieve the pain. With Soi Fong, Mayuri, Byakuya and Toshiro down, Unohana was flying around on her giant manta ray collecting the fallen Captains and Ukitake and Shunsui were missing – _probably off drinking sake, the bastards – _, leaving him stranded with an unstoppable juggernaut.

_Fuck it. I don't have to fight him, no point showing off my trump card._ And with that, the Sixth Division Captain leapt away, opting to flee rather than getting his ass handed to him. _I just hope he doesn't interfere with my plans for Aizen._

Naruto sweat dropped as the Captain hightailed out of the battle, sighing due to the loss of a challenge. Shaking the kinks out of his neck, he stretched his limbs before walking out of the ruined landscape of giant shards of ice, puddles of water, charred wood and destroyed earth. Great, now he had to find the other people to fight, leaving Unohana to tend to the rest of the injured Captains while Jushiro and Shunsui went to get back up.

* * *

><p>Aizen watched the whole fight from afar, a strange, disturbing feeling growing in his chest. He felt cold and… dare he say nervous after watching the blonde destroy most of the captains. Feeling his finger twitch, he looked down to see himself trembling.<p>

_What!?_

Never in his life/death/reincarnation as a Shinigami had he truly felt fear. He had always been the stoic, cunning, manipulative, back-stabbing, son of a bitch that controlled his emotions with an iron fist. He wouldn't let petty things such as happiness and anger cloud his intelligent mind. He was the one to make people fear him, not the other way around. He didn't even notice his angrily clenched fists as he was mentally preparing for the next step of the invasion, he'd have to distract Uzumaki while they dealt with Rukia.

He was inwardly seething as he was shamed by that snot nosed blonde bastard without said blonde bastard even knowing. He would have to send more of his Arrancar after him… He smirked at the sight of the blonde leaving; after all, they were _very_ replaceable.


	5. AN: QUESTION FOR THE READERS!

**Okay, so a lot of people dislike the idea of the Arrancar having even one elemental affinity. **

**I actually decided to give them the ability just because I ****_thought_**** people wouldn't like the idea of Naruto curb-stomping the shit out of everyone and decided to make it slightly more challenging so that it wouldn't be boring to just see Naruto winning every single fight with a few punches, kicks and jutsu's**

**And thus, I have removed the latest chapter.**

**So here's the question, I'm asking ****_you_****, the readers********what you would like me to do.**

**-Make the Espada harder to defeat, (power boost? already strong?)**

**-Cripple Naruto (you probably wouldn't want this, I know I don't.)**

**I'm not really either a fan of both and decided to take the power boost road for the Espada so that it wouldn't be boring writing a really weak Naruto. Note, saying that Aizen extracted the spiritual residue of Chakra from hollows and implanting them into the Espada would be so much easier than saying I found Naruto's cryptonite.**

**In the end, I decided that I would read what your ideas (and credit you) about how you want me to go about this. Because honestly, I see adding chakra would be much easier.**

**OR THE BEST ROUTE slash I WAS AFRAID THIS WOULD GET BORING FOR MY VIEWERS ROUTE.**

**-LEAVE HIM AS HE IS AND LET HIM KICK ASS FASTER.**

**That's pretty much it really.**

**Also, note that this is my goddamn story, so I can easily come up with some bullshit about how he doesn't need some goddamn spiritual body to enter the Shinigami realm. **

**How do I these fix plot holes? Fuck you, that's how. (i go back and edit them)**

**so yeah, send me reviews on what the hell you want me to do.**

**a)leave the espada alone**

**b) boost the espada up**

**c)cripple the shit out of naruto (highly unlikely, you came here to see him kick ass.)**

**d)?**


	6. Chapter 6: A Failed Discussion (OMAKE)

**WONDERWEISS IS A GIRL IN MY EYES BECAUSE HE SHE'S TOO CUTE.**

**This is more** **of an Omake/What goes on in 'xxxxx'/behind the scenes kind of thing. **

**I'm unsure if people like this kind of thing, please tell me if I should write more things like this where I show what goes on around the realms when you aren't watching Naruto kick-ass.**

**Should I show flashbacks and stuff about the other characters? I have a few ideas in store if you'd like that sort of thing.**

**also the Espada are now NATURALLY much stronger than the Shinigami. This means that fucking STARRK DOESN'T DIE SO GODDAMN QUICKLY.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

* * *

><p>Aizen was a clever man, indeed he was. He brought his thoughts to the blonde that caused him so much trouble, by ruining his plans and setting them back, and had many ways of bringing about his downfall.<p>

He smiled, imagining the powerful teen being under his thumb; however, he would need to speed up his plans considerably. The blonde had pushed back his plans, denying him from 'killing himself' and forcing him to continue the whole act, wait for the execution and then retrieving the Hogyoku from Rukia's corpse.

No, instead he would be forced to invade Sereitei and to take it by force. It did not matter to him if he lost his Espada in the process, they were replaceable and expendable.

Gin watched awkwardly as his 'boss' started giggling like a school girl and prancing around, Gin's trademark condescending grin missing and replaced by a sudden look of uncertainty.

Gin sighed as he placed his head into his hands, _'I fucking hate my job.'_

"Gin, call the Espada to the meeting room. We need to discuss out latest threat."

The fox-like man nodded reluctantly, sighing yet again, _'What am I? A secretary?'_

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the Espada ambled into the room, Starrk being the slowest as he yawned loudly before slumping in his chair and falling asleep immediately. Aizen watched upon his throne with his usual <em>'<em>friendly' smile, looking down upon his seated_ '_subjects'. Gathering their attention by loudly clearing his throat, his eyes travelled across the remainder of his Espada, with Luppi replacing the deceased Szayel and the recently created dopy Wonderweiss Margela.

"What did you call us here for Aizen-sama?" Zommari asked politely and respectfully while Grimmjow sneered at the black man's urbane tone. Zommari's face scrunched up in distaste at the rude way he spoke to their great and almighty leader.

"Yeah, what the hell did you call us here for?!" The bluenette yelled, slamming his hands on the table, "I could be busy training right now, I need to get even stronger! Then I can crush that damned ginger with a simple _Bala_!" This caused many members to widen their eyes at the blatant scorn towards their leader who obviously demanded respect. Aizen narrowed his eyes at the flagrant disrespect Grimmjow showed towards a self-declared god such as himself.

A zebra simply does not attack a lion for it is not above it in the food chain. The same applied to Grimmjow and Aizen.

The powerful brunette would not tolerate disrespect; it would make him seem too benevolent. These fools didn't even deserve to breathe the same air as he!  
><em><br>Deep breaths Aizen, deep breaths. Just put the fool in his place,_ He mentally reminded himself that he actually needed these fools to storm Sereitei to act as a smokescreen for him to claim the Hogyoku inside Rukia.

Grimmjow was no exception; however you do not poke a bear knowing that it might maul your face off for doing so.

All of the Espada knew this and yet, Grimmjow would always ignore the cracks that accumulated on Aizen's patience, instead, assisting by speeding up the process to its breaking point. Yammy and Luppi watched in silent glee as Aizen's usual fake smile vanished, being replaced by a tiny, almost unnoticeable frown from the bluenette's actions.

Twitching his finger slightly, he increased the pressure around Grimmjow, causing him to drop to his knees and began dry heave.

"Perhaps you've forgotten who your superiors are Grimmjow," He asked in a cold voice, watching with a predatory gleam in his eyes at the almost prone form of Grimmjow and causing the weaker Arrancar of the Espada to gulp, "Should I remind you why I don't tolerate disrespect?"

Wonderweiss cringed and made a sad drawling noise while Luppi grinned behind his sleeve at the pathetic display Grimmjow showed to their superiors. _If the idiot keeps it up then I'll be promoted! _The sexually ambiguous Arrancar giggled creepily behind his hand.

"F-forgive me, Aizen-_sama_," He strained through grit teeth from both anger/embarrassment and the pressure, "It _won't _happen again." The slimy bastard had hurt his pride a lot and he would make Aizen pay for turning him into a fool

Aizen lifted the pressure that surrounded him before continuing, "To answer your question, Zommari, I'm going to need all of your assistance (he would never say help)." And as that sentence was said, Grimmjow's current anger was temporarily shelved.

Assistance? The Great Aizen, _God of the Multiverse _asking his _feeble peasants_ for help?

Whoa. That's pretty unbelievable.

"A new adversary has arrived onto the battlefield, a certain man we're all familiar with. He was the one who came into _my_ domain by accident and caused the sudden promotion of Luppi and Wonderweiss." He paused, taking in their reactions. A mix of horror and surprise on some faces, those who did not face him were slightly sceptical and there was a trace of drowsiness emanating from the Primera Espada… who was falling asleep, again.

"Indeed, he proved to be a worthy adversary, capable of taking on multiple captains, including my right hand man Gin, in combat. He _might_ even be on _my_ level of power." Aizen said in a mocking tone, completely unaware of how wrong he was. Naruto wasn't on his power level, he was above him completely, not that he knew about that.

Many of them looked slightly sceptical while others were drooling from thinking of ways to turn the whiskered menace to their side; Starrk was drooling because his mouth was wide open while his arm was shielding his eyes.

"Zzzzzz… sleeeep…" Starrk mumbled in his sleep.

Aizen rubbed his temples and muttered under his breath, "Every time… Somebody please wake him up." Barragan leaned forward and slapped him at the back of his head, causing the Nara duplicate to wake up.

"Damn it!" He yelled while yanking at his hair, "I had a good dream, Barragan. I was ASLEEP in my dream!" He promptly sulked while Barragan rolled his one good eye. He often wondered why he wasn't the number one Espada but remembered that despite being a lazy bastard, Coyote easily outclassed him despite the one number difference.

He learnt that the hard way, literally, like Starrk actually buried him into the ground after a single Cero blast as the gap between them was immense. He still held a grudge over that, being so easily trumped when Starrk didn't even take him seriously.

_Son of a bitch had the nerve to fall asleep while dodging my balas'… _He growled to himself. _Though, it would be interesting to take down this man. _Barragan snorted and closed his single beady eye in quiet contemplation; _maybe I can use this man to attack Aizen, making them both wear each other out before sweeping in for both their heads. Yes, just you wait Aizen, when everything seems to be going oh so well for you, I'll bring the roof down upon your head. _Unbeknownst to Barragan's thoughts, Aizen continued from where he left off.

"This new foe could very well cause the demise of my plans and cause most of your _unfortunate_ deaths in the process. He is reported to have abilities such as breathing out ignitable ash, summoning a giant flower and using it's petals as razors in combination with a tornado to act as a blender, the power of cloning and many, many others." He droned on as he read off a list.

A very, _very_ long list.

"I have witnessed him spit a wall of blue fire at the Captain of the 2nd Division, Soi Fong. Clubbed the Captain of the 10th Division, Toshiro Hitsugaya, with what appeared to be a large club made entirely out of sharks teeth wrapped in bandages, named 'Samehada' and shredded his ice dragon with the tornado blender."

All of the Espada were fearful; even the stoic Harribel was, but more slightly more interested in the man, his shark teeth club and if he had any water abilities, as she herself was once a shark-like hollow and was capable of manipulating water. With permission, she could ask him to take her life to spare her Fraccion, anything to protect her little sisters and ensure that nothing horrendous happened to them. However, knowing those three girls, they would gladly die with her instead of having their 'Harribel-nee-chan' sacrifice herself for them.

Sometimes she even felt like their surrogate mother.

_Samehada… Now where have I heard that before? _Harribel wondered.

"So, I've called you all here today to brainstorm of an idea to bring down this threat."

Aizen watched as all of the Espada responded positively to his offer, not that they could ever refuse, of course.

Flashing them another 'gentle' smile that reeked of faux, he continued.

"Now, allow me to direct you to the left," As soon as he said that, the large wall spanning the left side of the room vanished, showing a mix between a lab and a movie theatre.

Attached to one side of the wall, test tubes were placed in metal holders, filled to the brim with an assortment of different coloured fluids. Scientific mumbo-jumbo was hastily scrawled onto a blackboard, one could assume whoever was writing it got it wrong and went into a fit of rage due to the final equation being completely scratched off with the white chalk while said white chalk was broken in the holder.

The wall was in an eye-blinding white, while the furniture and equipment were all in the same dull grey. In the centre of the wall, a large computer screen was placed there. It showed the same words the computer had on its screen.

* * *

><p><strong>Ideas for wiping out Blonde Scum.<strong>

* * *

><p>"This, Lady and Gentlemen, is the start of our new project, 'Eliminating the Blonde Scum'. Now, who would like to get the ball rolling?" Aizen asked. Harribel brought up her hand, pointed at a dead-eye Wonderweiss and herself before pointing rather angrily at the last words of the large screen.<p>

'**Blonde Scum.**'

An obvious scowl on her face despite her high collar.

He rolled his eyes and hit backspace a few times before correcting the computer.

* * *

><p><strong>Ideas for wiping out Whiskered Scum.<strong>

* * *

><p>She nodded in contentment.<p>

The Espada looked at each other rather hesitantly; waiting for someone brave (or stupid) enough to give a suggestion that wouldn't be shot down immediately.

"I'll do it." Grimmjow sneered at his colleagues' cowardice; he paused as he rubbed his chin, thinking of what he, himself, would do in this situation. "…I say that we find his loved ones…" Everyone sat up straighter, looking quite interested at the idea, "-and then RIP THEIR GUTS OUT!" He roared, kicking his chair away as he stood up.

Everyone stared at the bluenette. Gin palmed his forehead.

"Fantastic idea," _Idiot, _was the unspoken word of every Espada.

"Perhaps we can correct it. It would not bode well for us to gain all of his hatred." Zommari suggested, quite fearful of gaining the wrath of a man would be capable of such destructive capabilities.

"I'm pretty sure he already hates us, I mean, we did kind of attack him when he came here." Starrk threw in his thoughts as he recalled fighting the beastly man.

"I'm going to kill that short fucker!" Nnoitra snarled at the memory of having his arms hacked off, slashed apart, blown off, ripped out, dislocated and broken over 20 times. A round of murmurs of '_everyone's shorter than you'_ blew through the room.

"Don't forget the part where he _'kinda'_ destroyed the foot soldiers we sent in to distract the Shinigami." Gin helpfully reminded, he had read the reports on the way to Hueco Mundo written by the Captains about him dismantling their cannon-fodder Arrancar before they approached him in battle. The Arrancar died _almost_ as brutally as the previous Octava and Noveno.

"Perhaps we can hold his loved ones hostage and _not_ gut them, threatening him in many ways." Luppi suggested with Wonderweiss groaning happily with the idea.

Aizen nodded, despite already coming up with multiple ideas. Sometimes it was good to let your lackeys think that they were actually contributing, it would allow them to think that you actually had use for them and would make them more loyal. He went ahead and typed the idea down.

* * *

><p><strong>Ideas for wiping out Whiskered Scum.<strong>

-Kidnap loved ones and hold them hostage (may incur Whiskered Scum's wrath or loyalty in exchange for not harming them).

* * *

><p>"Are there anymore ideas?" Aizen asked, hiding his true reaction from only receiving one idea so far. He couldn't believe how incompetent his men were. Honestly, he half expected one of them to <em>start forgetting how to breathe<em>.

Wonderweiss stared off into space, completely expressionless and so still she could almost be mistaken as a statue if she hadn't been drooling. Suddenly, she swung her arms about, waving them around frantically.

"Ah! Wonderweiss, yes?" He pointed to the dull-brained blonde, anticipating for her to start moaning and groaning something unintelligible before he would nod sagely to prevent hurting her feeling and gaining what the humans called 'brownie points'. It would not reflect well on his image if he were to lash out at the girl. And to be fair, he was the one who lowered her intelligence to make her stronger in every other way.

Wonderweiss started making choking noise, eyes wide open as she gripped her own neck as if she was choking herself or as if she couldn't breathe.

_'Breathe.'_

How absurd. He understood he made her dumb, but surely not this-

Wait… why was her face turning blue?

Everyone watched, completely enthralled by the girl who was choking on absolutely nothing, they wanted to help, truly they did. However, they were also interested to see how this would play out.

"Surely she wouldn't die, correct?" Zommari whispered to Gin.

"I 'unno, this _is_ Wonderweiss we're talking about." He muttered back, completely baffled at the sight.

"BREATHE WEISS-CHAN, BREATHE!" Luppi yelled, breaking his usually uncaring façade towards the silly blonde. He didn't like to say it, but he dearly enjoyed and cared for the girl, treating her like the little baby sister he always wanted. This was very easy to accomplish due to the lack of brain power she possessed, leaving her requiring him like a baby would need their _sexually ambiguous_ elder sibling. However, he had a very natural 'tsundere' attitude and would only take care of Wonderweiss when not being observed by public eyes.

Wonderweiss choked before coughing violently, selfishly swallowing deep gulps of air with her mouth wide open. She groaned in content, moaning thankfully towards a blushing Luppi who was using one hand to hide his reddened cheeks behind his long sleeves while using the other to push Wonderweiss's happy face away.

Gin coughed into his hand, hiding his laughter. While Starrk made a noise sounding very similar to 'tsundere, tsundere'. Harribel smiled gently behind her collar, knowing that someone was looking out for poor Wonderweiss. If her fellow blonde wasn't an Espada, she would have immediately requested that she be placed under her care to ensure that nothing happened to her. Someone could easily manipulate her (*cough*Aizen*cough*) to do _things_. She shuddered, narrowed her eyes and clenched her fist thinking about the heinous acts they would do such as forcing themselves onto the poor thing knowing that she wouldn't understand what was going on.

Aizen sighed, how the hell did he know that it was going to happen? Rubbing his temples, he decided that this wasn't worth his time. Shutting down the computer, he walked out of the room silently as the rest of its occupants were still watching their boss leave, muttering 'Incompetent buffoons' under his breath.

One by one the occupants started to leave the room, and as usual; Grimmjow's Fraccion would be waiting at the entrance for Grimmjow himself. They grinned at Harribel when they saw her walking out of the room, staring at her large and slightly exposed bust, but her eyes were watching them with an impassive stare. She acknowledged their sad attempts at flirting with her, registering them in her brain as completely pathetic.

Di Roy looked downcast at being ignored for the 206th time.

Shawlong, Nakeem and Edrad understood that she held no romantic interest in them since their first meeting.

Yylfordt was angered that she did not care for his amazing looks and luscious hair! _Who would deny a beautiful creature that is I their own body? Just wait Harribel! When I get a woman you'll come running back, begging me to take you instead!_ He thought to himself, smirking at his own intelligence. She didn't come running back. He cried himself to sleep after hugging and kissing his Harribel dakimakura (Those Japanese pillows that have anime girls on them).

Harribel was not interested in these fools, the person who caught her interests was the blonde that fell into their world by accident and killed two of her allies rather brutally since they did not allow him to leave, rather, attempting to force him to join Aizen, which he did not accept. He threatened that if they didn't get out of his way to kill the '_monster ANBU_' then they would have to '_get in line to have their asses kicked to kingdom come_'.

They didn't budge.

He promptly took out a large war-fan and promptly did as he promised.

It took the combined forces of Starrk and Nnoitra to cero-blast/push him into a portal leading to the Shinigami realm, and that was after the fact he had previously fought the Octava and the Noveno Espada head on, killing them in the process before he destroyed Nnoitra's arms repeatedly in his Resurrección state and took Starrks' cero blast head on.

A strong opponent no doubt, able to take Starrks concentrated cero blast to the face, doing nothing but blasting him backwards into the Garganta. She knew he wasn't dead, she could feel how strong his life was when he was shot by Starrk, and he seemed only dazed.

_Dazed._

Who the hell gets dazed after getting shot by the_ Primeras'_ Cero?

That blonde apparently.

Nnoitra even had the gall to wave at his falling form.

Pathetic, especially given the fact that he had his arms viciously removed over 20 times during the battle (she counted). She could only hope that she never had to meet her fellow blonde in battle, she was interested in getting to know the blonde and how strong he was.

But for now... she could wait.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Profile for the Espada. (Naruto characters and Tsunade's punchstrength is a good measurement for this.)**

**note that most of this is non-cannon to the story, e.g. the likes/hates/fears are just jokes.**

* * *

><p>Starrk: Very difficult to anger and distract. Despite being a lazy bum, when placed in the heat of the battle, he can out-think the opponent in many different ways. Intelligence is reported to be around 200+. It is reported that he occasionally mumbles the name 'Temari-Obaa-chan' in his sleep.<p>

Likes: Star-watching, sleeping, Lilynette, lazing about, for unknown reason; deer.

Hates: Waking up, arguing with Lilynette, Lilynette waking him up, Lilynette bullying him,

Fears: For unknown reasons; Women with frying pans.

Strength - Worth 2 Tsunade's.  
>Hierro - Can withstand 2 Tsunade's with only a minor bruise.<br>Regeneration – Slow.  
>Cero - Cero blast is approximately worth ½ 10th of a Bijudama from the Kyuubi.  
>Bala – Bala is above that of a large cannon (Pirates, arrrrrgh matey.)<br>Sonido - Speed is on par with Rock Lee without his weights.

* * *

><p>Barragan: Considering he relies on complete brute strength to overpower his enemies and absorbing damage like a sponge it comes as no surprise that his speed is, leaving him vulnerable to opponents who are faster and have more long range firepower. Enjoys games of chess and turning things he dislikes to dust.<p>

Likes: Chess, boasting, snorting haughtily, being arrogant, power, and ruling a kingdom, for unknown reasons; human erotic novels, a specific brand named 'Icha Icha Paradise'.

Hates: Aizen, Aizen, Aizen, weaker people, Aizen, people who call him 'grandpa' or 'gramps'.

Fears: One day he might wake up without his other eye.

Strength - Worth 2½ of a Tsunade.  
>Hierro – Takes 3 Tsunade's to make a bruise.<br>Regeneration – Decent.  
>Cero – ½ 100 of a Bijudama from the Hachibi.  
>Bala – A point blank magnum to the chest.<br>Sonido - Completely atrocious (really, really fast for the average person).

* * *

><p>Harribel: Her current ability to manipulate water is enough to rival the original Akatsuki leader, Yahiko (when he was still alive) and falling short only to the Nidaime Hokage.<p>

Likes: Her Fraccion, sharks, water, blonde hair, blood in water, Wonderweiss.

Hates: Men who hit on her despite rejection, Nnoitra, Sexism.

Fears: Turning into a mushy and weak human and being eaten by a shark.

Strength – Kisame in his prime.  
>Hierro – Takes an estimate of 3 Tsunade's to actually hurt her.<br>Regeneration – Slow.  
>Cero – 110 of a Bijudama from the Nibi.  
>Bala – As hard as car smashing into you at 180kph<br>Sonido – Slightly slower than Rock Lee without weights on.

* * *

><p>Ulquiorra: Has the best Resurrección by far, turning him into Batman himself. This gives him +200 to Detective Work, +100 to Charisma, +200 to intelligence, +400 to Gold, and +1000 to Loneliness.<p>

Likes: Loneliness, Solitude, My Chemical Romance.

Hates: Birthday parties.

Fears: People attending his birthday party.

Strength – Slightly weaker than Tsunade.  
>Hierro – Decent.<br>Regeneration – Very, very fast. Able to regrow limbs in seconds.  
>Cero – 110th of a Bijudama from the Ichibi. Resurrección: Increased to 3/10th from the Ichibi  
>Bala – ¼ of Tsunade's punch.<br>Sonido – Faster than the Road Runner.

* * *

><p>Nnoitra: Although not as strong as Tsunade the Godaime Hokage's earth shattering punches, he can easily break weaker men's ribs with a strong punch. Considering the fact he can regrow and sprout more limbs like the Rinnegan's Asura path while in Resurrección form and swing his giant spoon scythe around like it is weightless, needless to say it would be a challenge facing him in combat.<p>

Likes: Submissive women, people who are weaker than him, people to rely on his greatness.

Hates: Women who are better than him, Nelliel being better than him, Harribel being better than him, all the Espada numbers that are above him.

Fears: Getting married to a dominative wife (e.g A woman from the Nara clan).

Strength – ½ a Tsunade.  
>Hierro – 'Pretty fuckin' tough'.<br>Regeneration – Average, in Resurrección form, it is increased drastically.  
>Cero – 5 freight trains hitting you at top speed.<br>Bala – A point blank RPG to the chest.  
>Sonido – Average.<p>

The rest of the Espada will be posted in the next chapter.


End file.
